Why? Why my life always to rely on others? If I can live alone, surely i took it. Lucky for her, people who can ask for help easily. Who can cry and say "I need you" "Don't let me be alone" to others. Cause i'm just denial person who tell myself that if no one can't be there it's okay. I'm doing good all this time.
So, when someday I fall, the only person who will shame me is me. The only person who will hurt is me. When someday I die, the only person who will bury me is myself. The only person who will dust is just me. Not someone else.
I should have said that I wasn't okay at that time. I should have screamed in pain like a human being at that time. I should have done all that so that I wouldn't remember this kind of pain again. I wouldn't suffer like this.
God, please protect her. So, she won't forget me. The death is real. Cuz I think I couldn't make it in time. I'm way too good at goodbyes.
